A few months ago I walked past one of my local cafes and saw two of my speech students sitting at a table across from each other. As I approached their table to say hello, I realized there was something very wrong with the situation. Neither girl was looking at the other. Both of their faces were down. I got closer and saw that, in fact, they were both on their iPhones, completely engrossed with whatever was on the screen. They did not appear to be talking to each other or enjoying each other’s company. They were sitting at the same table, but they could have been anywhere, with anyone. I watched for a few minutes. Neither moved or attempted to talk to the other. Occasionally one would laugh (to themselves) or take a sip of their hot drink. No verbal communication was made. So I went up to them and said “Girls, have a conversation. TALK. You are here together, speak to each other.” And one of them very sweetly looked up at me and said, “Oh hi Ms. Rabie, we ARE talking to each other. We’re on Group Chat.”
I’m just going to let that sit for a moment.
Now let’s get something straight; the act of talking involves the use of your VOICE. Texting, WhatsApping, Facebooking, Snap Chatting, even emailing are NOT talking. Yes, they are communication tools, but they involve none of the key aspects of talking. Eye contact, expression, vocal nuances, VOICE… These “old school” communication tools are so important, but if our children engage less and less in spoken conversation, they miss out on all that extra practice and ultimately, their verbal communication is weakened. So what can we do to make sure our children maintain strong voiced communication skills? Here are a few suggestions:
- Encourage them to do an activity like Speech and Drama, Toast Masters, Theatre or Musical Theatre.
- Get them to memorise songs and sing! Or even better, recite poetry with them.
- Call them or use Facetime instead of texting, and encourage them to use Skype, Facetime or Video chat rather than text when talking to their friends.
- Ask them to read something they have written in school to you. Stand on the other side of the room while they read. If you don't hear something clearly, ask them to repeat it a bit louder.
- No phones/tablets at the dinner table. Have a family conversation. Give each person a chance to share the highlight of their day.
- Have a slang jar. Often my students will say the acronym for a phrase instead of the phrase itself, like “TITF” (took it too far) or “IMO” (in my opinion). I’ve even heard the use of “LOL” instead of the act of laughing out loud! If you hear your child say any of these, that’s a pound in the jar!
- If your child mumbles when speaking to you, do not reply. Wait until they speak clearly enough to answer.
- And most importantly, when you have the chance to spend one-on-one time with your child, do not allow them to look at their phone. This is an opportunity to connect! Ensure that they speak to you, look you in the eye and exercise their most important tool – their voice.
